Monica and I traveled together to the funeral home last night. Once again, we were reminded of God's precious gift of life with the unexpected death of yet another young person in our congregation. Katy Williams was too young to leave her family and friends behind for the life eternal with God. She is survived by her husband, Tim and two young daughters, Ashley and Shannon, who are five and three years old respectively. What a glorious mess we are in.
On most Sundays you could see Katy singing beautifully along with our church's praise band at either the 9:35 or 11:00 am service. She was a wonderful daughter, sister, wife and mother, who cared deeply for the people she loved. Although I did not know Katy as well as many people did, anyone could testify to Katy's love by seeing the way she interacted with her family. Seeing the rest of her family and friends last night solidified the fact in my mind that she was also loved by many and will surely be missed terribly as we attempt to carry on with our lives without her.
I know life isn't fair, but it doesn't keep me from saying, "it isn't fair!" I don't have a frame of reference for making any sense of this. And what's worse is I'm having trouble emphathizing with Tim right now. I can't imagine having my 'healthy' wife with me one day, seeing her go into the hospital the next, see things go from bad to worse on the following day, and then receive the news from medical staff that she passed away. What? It can't be happening? It's not real? Is it?
This morning as I was driving to work, I thought about how I would try to cope with what Tim's going through. How would I answer my daughters' questions about where exactly is Mommy? How would I be able to sleep at night? What would I do without the person that I shared every intimate detail of my life with? Would I even be able to sleep in the same bedroom we shared? I don't even know whose socks belong to whom. Monica does ALL the laundry in our house.
I became overwhelmed and started to cry. Selfishly I thanked God that Monica is alive and I am deeply saddened by Tim's loss. I can't even imagine right now how Ashley and Shannon are dealing with this.
Last night I was almost completetly numb as Monica and I passed through the receiving line and met some of Tim and Katy's family. What in the world do you say? I kept my comments short and mostly said things like, "it's nice to meet you" and "I'm sorry for your loss." When I met Katy's dad, I foolishly let the words 'how are you' slip out of my mouth. I had a quick mental conversation with myself. "Well, Benny, how do you think he is, Stupid ?" I wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere and I pray he wasn't affected by my foolish greeting.
When I finally got to Tim, I gave him a big hug and was purposeful in not letting go too soon. I can't imagine how he's actually feeling right now, but I suppose if it was me, I would want lots of hugs from friends and family who don't let go too soon. Katy certainly left our midst way too soon.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Historical Moment in Our Nation and State
It all began on Monday night when our three girls were invited to spend the night with my parents. They were enjoying a two-day break from school and the second happen to be Super Tuesday. But this was not just Super Tuesday, but it was Historical Super Tuesday. And because Monica and I had to work on Monday and Tuesday, my parents graciously offered to look after the kids for us. Thank God for grandparents - even though they tend to let them watch t.v. programs and movies that we wished they would have preapproved with us beforehand. No matter though because a historical moment would take place by the end of the day, Tuesday.
By the end of the day's voting our nation would either have the first African-American president ever or the first female vice-president ever. It was exciting to say the least. And to top it off, in North Carolina we would decide if this would be the year we would elect the first woman governor of our state. My anticipation rivaled that of a Duke-UNC basketball game, which is pretty exciting for me.
So having the kids spend the night with their Nana and Papa on Monday night made it possible for Monica and me to vote together before we made our way into work. Mostly I voted democratic this time around, a stark contrast from the last election. I don't know what it is but the more books I read, the more people I meet, and the more praying I do, I have aligned more with ideaology that is on the left. It's funny. I thought that the more I became religiously faithful, I would certainly become part of the evangelical Christian right. But that's not the case.
The results reflected the poker equivalent of a full house. Barak Obama and Joe Biden were elected president and vice president respectively. Bev Perdue became the first woman governor of North Carolina, after serving two terms as lieutenant governor. And Kay Hagan unseated Libby Dole for the U.S. Senate seat. All three races were expected to be close but I didn't believe that all democrats would get elected. It's certainly a testimony to the way things have gone recently with a republican-led government in our nation's past eight years.
The part that saddens me is I fear we have not pulled ourselves out of playing partisan politics when it comes to dealing with the issues our nation faces. I'm afraid that our two-party system perpetuates this 'us' versus 'them' attitude and we cannot seem to look past petty differences to accomplish the work that is before us.
With a weak economy, an unpopular war in the middle east, a deficient healthcare system, tax burdens, a failing social security system, and so on, we have plenty of work to do. But how much can we realistically accomplish? Will anyone step up the courage and take his/her ego out of the equation in order to work with others to make this a better America and better world to live in? I am cautiously optimistic.
By the end of the day's voting our nation would either have the first African-American president ever or the first female vice-president ever. It was exciting to say the least. And to top it off, in North Carolina we would decide if this would be the year we would elect the first woman governor of our state. My anticipation rivaled that of a Duke-UNC basketball game, which is pretty exciting for me.
So having the kids spend the night with their Nana and Papa on Monday night made it possible for Monica and me to vote together before we made our way into work. Mostly I voted democratic this time around, a stark contrast from the last election. I don't know what it is but the more books I read, the more people I meet, and the more praying I do, I have aligned more with ideaology that is on the left. It's funny. I thought that the more I became religiously faithful, I would certainly become part of the evangelical Christian right. But that's not the case.
The results reflected the poker equivalent of a full house. Barak Obama and Joe Biden were elected president and vice president respectively. Bev Perdue became the first woman governor of North Carolina, after serving two terms as lieutenant governor. And Kay Hagan unseated Libby Dole for the U.S. Senate seat. All three races were expected to be close but I didn't believe that all democrats would get elected. It's certainly a testimony to the way things have gone recently with a republican-led government in our nation's past eight years.
The part that saddens me is I fear we have not pulled ourselves out of playing partisan politics when it comes to dealing with the issues our nation faces. I'm afraid that our two-party system perpetuates this 'us' versus 'them' attitude and we cannot seem to look past petty differences to accomplish the work that is before us.
With a weak economy, an unpopular war in the middle east, a deficient healthcare system, tax burdens, a failing social security system, and so on, we have plenty of work to do. But how much can we realistically accomplish? Will anyone step up the courage and take his/her ego out of the equation in order to work with others to make this a better America and better world to live in? I am cautiously optimistic.
Monday, November 3, 2008
Out of Time, But Not Easily Forgotten
You can easily become consumed with trying to find answers to questions that begin with the word, why. Why is the sky blue? Why does only one sock return from the wash whenever two go in? Why do certain smells (like recently cut grass) remind me so much of my childhood?
Then there are the why questions that touch us even deeper. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does love hurt so bad sometimes? Why does a beautiful, selfless 26 year-old woman who comes from a good and faithful family die of cancer during the prime of her life, while others who seem to be selfishly motivated most of their lives, live to a ripe old age?
Although I didn't know Corey Haddon, I knew people in our congregation who did. On October 26th, 2008, this 26-year old woman lost her battle with melanoma and there are no easy answers to the question why. Why did this happen to her? Why did this happen to her family? Where was God during all of this?
For difficult questions there are no easy answers. Furthermore I am repelled by things people say who believe they have the answers. I'm talking about well-meaning Christians who say things like, "this was God's will," or "the Lord needed her in heaven." What's worse is there are people who will use unfortunate and tragic examples like the untimely death of a young person, to perpetuate the belief that God does not exist. They will argue that a loving and just god would not allow such things to happen and therefore he does not exist. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I don't have all the answers. I don't have even a few of them. I do know that seeing the faith of the Haddon family during her funeral and hearing the stories that were told about Corey I am certain (now more than ever) that God does, in fact exist! I could feel his presence right there in that church sanctuary and I was certain that he had been with Corey and her family during their most difficult times recently.
Because of her faith and the fullness of God's grace, she positively touched many people that she knew and many who did not know her. People like me. She lived her life growing into the fullness of God's plans for her. Even during the last few weeks of her life, Corey used her God-given talents to create. Her artistic ability and the relationships she cultivated in her relatively short time on this earth were lovingly displayed during her funeral on Friday. It is happily obvious that during her life she loved many and was loved by many. In her death her testimony lives on through the people's lives she touched.
As for the why questions, I have resolved to believe that there are some things in life that will remain a mystery. I don't know why bad things happen to good people. I have to admit that when they do, my faith is tested and doubt enters in. But as the Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegard, points out, faith cannot exist without doubt. The beauty is that we have the opportunity to choose whether we will believe in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
One of my favorite musical groups, Caedmon's Call, accurately describe this phenomenon in the song Shifting Sand. The chorus goes like this...
Then there are the why questions that touch us even deeper. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why does love hurt so bad sometimes? Why does a beautiful, selfless 26 year-old woman who comes from a good and faithful family die of cancer during the prime of her life, while others who seem to be selfishly motivated most of their lives, live to a ripe old age?
Although I didn't know Corey Haddon, I knew people in our congregation who did. On October 26th, 2008, this 26-year old woman lost her battle with melanoma and there are no easy answers to the question why. Why did this happen to her? Why did this happen to her family? Where was God during all of this?
For difficult questions there are no easy answers. Furthermore I am repelled by things people say who believe they have the answers. I'm talking about well-meaning Christians who say things like, "this was God's will," or "the Lord needed her in heaven." What's worse is there are people who will use unfortunate and tragic examples like the untimely death of a young person, to perpetuate the belief that God does not exist. They will argue that a loving and just god would not allow such things to happen and therefore he does not exist. Nothing could be further from the truth.
I don't have all the answers. I don't have even a few of them. I do know that seeing the faith of the Haddon family during her funeral and hearing the stories that were told about Corey I am certain (now more than ever) that God does, in fact exist! I could feel his presence right there in that church sanctuary and I was certain that he had been with Corey and her family during their most difficult times recently.
Because of her faith and the fullness of God's grace, she positively touched many people that she knew and many who did not know her. People like me. She lived her life growing into the fullness of God's plans for her. Even during the last few weeks of her life, Corey used her God-given talents to create. Her artistic ability and the relationships she cultivated in her relatively short time on this earth were lovingly displayed during her funeral on Friday. It is happily obvious that during her life she loved many and was loved by many. In her death her testimony lives on through the people's lives she touched.
As for the why questions, I have resolved to believe that there are some things in life that will remain a mystery. I don't know why bad things happen to good people. I have to admit that when they do, my faith is tested and doubt enters in. But as the Danish philosopher, Soren Kierkegard, points out, faith cannot exist without doubt. The beauty is that we have the opportunity to choose whether we will believe in our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
One of my favorite musical groups, Caedmon's Call, accurately describe this phenomenon in the song Shifting Sand. The chorus goes like this...
"My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace"
I can't explain a God who would continue to love me, even as I doubt him. His grace is wonderfully sufficient for me. The last verse is...
"Waters rose as my doubts reigned
My sand-castle faith, it slipped away
Found myself standing on your grace
It'd been there all the time"
Though the sand in the hourglass of Corey's life has run out here on this earth, she lives a victorious new life with Christ. Her legacy will undoubtedly live on in the people she has left behind for a short time.
The question I find asking myself today is not why any more. But do I have the courage to live my life like Corey did? Do I dare live into the fullness of God's plans for me?
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