I don't know why but depending on what's going on in my life, there's always music I identify with that mirrors what's happening. Lately I've been in a Dave Matthews Band state of mind and there's this song that reflects my mood and my soul, "Diggin a Ditch." As with many DMB songs, I'm not sure if I ever figure out exactly what he's talking about, but this song seems to really resonate with me for some reason right now.
Maybe it's because I feel like I'm going 100 miles an hour and can't slow down if I tried. Maybe it's because I am so busy doing stuff, I loathe the fact that I don't spend enough time with my kids or my wife. Maybe it's also because when I do have time with my loved ones, the anticipation and the expectations somehow control me and the time spent with them, doesn't measure up.
Part of the song goes like this...
"Run to your dreaming
When you're alone
Unplug the TV, turn off your phone
Get heavy on with digging your ditch
Cause I'm digging a ditch where madness gives a bit
Digging a ditch where silence lives
Digging a ditch for when I'm old
Digging this ditch my story's told"
Again, I'm no expert on interpreting DMB songs but with this opening part, I know what it seems to mean to me. The singer is consumed with obligations and the busy-ness of his life that he's beginning to go crazy. So he does the only thing he can to escape. When he's alone he can unplug the 'noise' around him and work out some frustration in a mundane task like digging a ditch. The very act of blunt, hard labor blocks out the noise and busy-ness of his life and his madness does give in a bit.
My middle daughter, Kaelyn, was complaining earlier this week that we don't get to spend time as a family. Yesterday, remembering she said this, and realizing that I had a couple of hours to spend with her and her younger sister, I suggested that we play "Rock Band" on the Wii. So we got the drums and guitar out and wailed on a few songs. We were having fun up to the point when she wanted to play with her friend, Sarah, who lives a couple of doors down. We argued about it a bit because I wanted to spend some time with her and she wanted to also spend some time with her friend. Upset, eventually I gave in. Well it turned out that Sarah wasn't home and instead of resuming our play together, I read a book, Kaelyn watched TV upstairs, and the youngest (Abby) watched a different TV show downstairs. We did this mostly because I wanted to dig my ditch instead of play with my kids. By the time she returned home from finding out that Sarah could not play with her, my attitude was already in the gutter because of my unreasonable expectations.
A similar incident happened with my wife later in the evening. Unreasonable anticipation and expectations that no one should have to live up to... again got the better of me.
And meanwhile I unplug the TV and turn of the phone, so I can get heavy on with diggin my ditch.
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