Monica and I traveled together to the funeral home last night. Once again, we were reminded of God's precious gift of life with the unexpected death of yet another young person in our congregation. Katy Williams was too young to leave her family and friends behind for the life eternal with God. She is survived by her husband, Tim and two young daughters, Ashley and Shannon, who are five and three years old respectively. What a glorious mess we are in.
On most Sundays you could see Katy singing beautifully along with our church's praise band at either the 9:35 or 11:00 am service. She was a wonderful daughter, sister, wife and mother, who cared deeply for the people she loved. Although I did not know Katy as well as many people did, anyone could testify to Katy's love by seeing the way she interacted with her family. Seeing the rest of her family and friends last night solidified the fact in my mind that she was also loved by many and will surely be missed terribly as we attempt to carry on with our lives without her.
I know life isn't fair, but it doesn't keep me from saying, "it isn't fair!" I don't have a frame of reference for making any sense of this. And what's worse is I'm having trouble emphathizing with Tim right now. I can't imagine having my 'healthy' wife with me one day, seeing her go into the hospital the next, see things go from bad to worse on the following day, and then receive the news from medical staff that she passed away. What? It can't be happening? It's not real? Is it?
This morning as I was driving to work, I thought about how I would try to cope with what Tim's going through. How would I answer my daughters' questions about where exactly is Mommy? How would I be able to sleep at night? What would I do without the person that I shared every intimate detail of my life with? Would I even be able to sleep in the same bedroom we shared? I don't even know whose socks belong to whom. Monica does ALL the laundry in our house.
I became overwhelmed and started to cry. Selfishly I thanked God that Monica is alive and I am deeply saddened by Tim's loss. I can't even imagine right now how Ashley and Shannon are dealing with this.
Last night I was almost completetly numb as Monica and I passed through the receiving line and met some of Tim and Katy's family. What in the world do you say? I kept my comments short and mostly said things like, "it's nice to meet you" and "I'm sorry for your loss." When I met Katy's dad, I foolishly let the words 'how are you' slip out of my mouth. I had a quick mental conversation with myself. "Well, Benny, how do you think he is, Stupid ?" I wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere and I pray he wasn't affected by my foolish greeting.
When I finally got to Tim, I gave him a big hug and was purposeful in not letting go too soon. I can't imagine how he's actually feeling right now, but I suppose if it was me, I would want lots of hugs from friends and family who don't let go too soon. Katy certainly left our midst way too soon.
2 comments:
Benton,
And now some words of comfort for you. My brother's wife passed away at the age of 39 about 13 years ago. What I learned was the mere fact people "showed up" mattered more that what they said. Knowing that you were (and will be)there was something they will never forget. Even though saying "I'm sorry" may not sound right for you to say, to them it means the world. Calling them, taking them dinner and possibly inviting them to dinner in a few weeks will mean the world to them. Just being there is a "simple gift," but a treasured one. I have two nieces who were 12 and 5 and a nephew who was 10 at the time of their mother's death. They asked some hard questions including the fairness of God. It took me a year to give them my answer. I told them,"Do you think God would pour Texas Pete hot sauce in your milk only so you would be forced to come to him for comfort? Or do you think God would be the one right there to give you water when someone else poured hot sauce in your milk? God doesn't make bad stuff happen, but he is your water. Never be afraid to ask for it." Benton, you are the water vessel and the fact that you are wondering about how to do it says alot about your great spirit and heart (and I've never met you). Best,
Greg the Terp
Hi Benton,
Love the title of your blog. Greg's comments are right on (not suprisingly). Don't worry about asking "how are you doing?" No one wants for you to beat yourself up over something like that.
DS.
Post a Comment